The Waiting Room

Patience is not a virtue that I process...
I despise waiting!
Yet, life sometimes is nothing but a waiting room and you feel you are there on your own.
When we are children, we are waiting to be older. My whole childhood I couldn't wait till I was 16! That was when I could date (the boy crazy girl that I am), I could get my ears pierced and I could dye my hair! One day I was 16 and I loved every minute of it! Then, I turned 17..... I had no idea what to do with myself! I was no longer 16! The age that I wanted to be for about half of my life had come and gone in a snap! O no! I could still dye my hair, that I didn't do at 16. I could still get my ears pierced, that I couldn't be bothered with doing. And I could still date, I did have a bf the night I turned 16 haha. 1/3!
At 17 I decided it was silly for me to have waited so long to be 16. I did enjoy my childhood and I'm proud to say that I did have one! My mom let me be a child and refused for me to be a teenage or adult before I had to. At 17 I decided that I was no longer going to wait for things in life! I would take things as they come or I would make them happen, right there and then!
How naive I was! My life is nothing but a waiting room! Sure I can make things happen, but I still have to be patience and wait for the right time. I have to wait to marry. To be a wife. Wait to even have a boyfriend. Definitely wait to be a mother. Wait till I can have a dog and turtle. Wait to go to university. Waiting while I save money to travel, to go to school, to get that hat or belt or necklace that I want. Wait till I can afford a licence. Wait till I can afford a car. Wait for the promotion to pay for that car.
I've always known I'm the most impatient person ever!
At 17 I thought that I no longer was going to wait! If I wanted it, I would make it happen in a moments time!
Life has taught me that you must work for your dreams, but they can't and most likely won't happen when you want them to. Yes I want to be a wife and mother. I want pets. I want a degree in something. I want to be able to drive and have that car. I want to see the world! But I can't. Not now. It's not my turn. I have to wait for my turn to make my dreams happen.
Hopefully in ten years time I'll be out of the waiting room for these things, but I'm sure I'll be in another waiting room waiting for something else!

Rome Sweet Rome

I want to travel and see the world! 

I love to explore a new place!

This year alone I plan to be going to Scotland, Austria and Sweden.

Next year I am hoping to go to Ireland, Spain, and France.

But there is one place that I am saving for a special someone!

Rome!

With my husband (whoever that might be)!

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to go to Italy for my honeymoon. When I turned a teenager, I learnt about Rome and I saw lots of documentaries about it; I was hooked and in love! This was the place I wanted to explore with my husband!

I look at my life and I can't see a husband in it. Even when I was engaged, I never could see a man waiting for my at the end of the aisle. I look at my life and think about being in a relationship and I get scared, nervous and then freak out. Me?? In a relationship?? I guess I have more issues than I thought I did...
But even though I doubt I will ever marry, or come close to it, I will still save the one place I long to see most, with the person I will love the most.

Dear Husband, I am saving Rome and Italy for you...

My Dream

I am 23 and not married. When it comes to the 'world' so to speak- that's totally fine. People don't get married that young. But I am a Latter- Day Saint where most women get married between 19-22, so that means I am a little 'old'. Not like that is a bad thing either.
I could have been married in that time frame though. I was engaged from 19-right before my 22nd birthday. But alas it was not meant to be. I broke it off and I am single. I dated someone after and I fell hopeless and crazily in love with that man and I thought he would be my husband. I was so desperate for him to be, and he led me to believe he felt the same. But instead of a ring, I got the worst heart break that I could ever imagine. Now I doubt that I will ever love again. My heart can't bare another heartache like the last one. It was too much pain for me to bare.

God gave us a wonderful gift- our bodies. And you know, its pretty cool!

For example, if you do this... (picture on the left), then try to separate the fingers, you can to all of them- except the ring finger! (picture below)

thumb = friends
pointer = parents
pinky = kids
ring = spouse

One day you will leave your parents.
Ond day your children will move out
Friends always come and go.
But your spouse, will never leave you,
Thats why we wear our wedding bands on our ring finger (possible why it became the ring finger).

Where I am in my life, I can't imagine me being married and having kids. Even though if I had married my ex-fiancé, then we would have been married for a year and a half in a few days, which means that it would be quite possible for me to have a baby in my arms. But we didn't, so I don't.
As much as I can't picture me getting married or having a husband, I still dream of having one. Since I was little I have had this thought of him coming home when I'm am cutting up vegetables in the kitchen preparing for dinner. He comes up behind me and gives me a hug and kiss and tells me that he loves me!
As much as I say that I am a man hater and I don't believe in love. What I really mean, is that one day I want to be in a good healthy relationship and be married to someone that completes me- and I just don't see it happening and I'm sad. But it is my dream!

Hundred Pound Burger

In England- you don't have to tip at a restaurant; but you can if you wish.
Being an American living in England, I am constantly being asked "What are you doing living in England if you're from America?!?!" They don't seem to understand why I would ever want to leave such a cool country that has it all. Until of course I tell them that I am basing myself in England for now- working the pound, so I can travel Europe! I plan on going to Scotland, Austria, Germany, Spain, France and Sweden in the next two years. I have not been to any of these except Sweden, and I want to take advantage of my freedom before I get married and have kids. Then they nod in understanding and either tell me "good luck" "have fun" or "you should go here ... its gorgeous".
There was this one day where I spent quite a while talking to these two men about how I want to travel and see the world, but only with money allowing. I come from a poor family and I have only had crap jobs with crap pay and crap hours, so I need to set a lot of my dream either on hold, or they will just stay dreams. I have lots of dreams and so much I want to do- but i'm not rich so I just have to make do with what I have and be grateful because there is always someone doing worse than me.
At work by the tills is where we have out tip jar, so if we are lucky and get tip, it all goes in there and we split it at the end of lunch, then again at the end of the day.
On this particular day with these two men, I saw that they were leaving. I enjoyed talking to them so I went to say bye. The one man asks me where is the tip jar- I tell him it's by the tills, and he starts to walk over. I see a £20 note in his hand! The other guys looks at me and hands me a wad of money. Curious and confused I look at him, then look at the money. I see that it is £100!!!! A gasp escapes my lips and I feel my eyes pop out of my head! £100!!!!!!!! £100!!!!!! £100!!!!!!!!
"I'm sorry, but this is way too much money- I could never accept this!" As I try to hand it back. He looks at me quite seriously and says "Emer, I want you to have it. Go to Austria for your birthday! Everyone deserves to have a little help with achieving their dreams, here you go."
"But I can't... It's sooooo much money"
Now at this point, my manager Sean comes over to see what is going on. With the money in my hand still I say, "This gentleman is trying to give me £100 tip!!! I can't accept- it's way too much!"
The gentleman looks at Sean and laughs. "I am leaving the hundred pounds here. I have money and a hundred pounds isn't that much to me, she deserves this." Turning to me he says, "Just think of it as a hundred pound burger! Haha"
"Emer, it would be rude not to take it." Sean says as he gives me a face.
And with that, the gentleman smiles and walks away.
Still in shock, I feel Sean staring at me but my eyes are on the man that is walking towards the door. Just before he leaves, I run and scream "SIR!?"
He turns around and sees me panting (I have never been much of a runner...) I take a breath and give him the biggest hug that I can muster and whisper "Thank you" over and over again.
"My good deed for the day." was all that he said and he was gone. As I walked back inside and finish clearing the table where the men had sat, Sean comes and says "Well done, You sold a hundred pound burger!"

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This has never happened to me, but I can always wish, right?

One day

I'll have a house

that I can create

something

as cool 

as this!

I want to be someones...

I just wish someone told me sooner!

I feel like I take care of everyone. In my family, church, friends, co-workers, strangers. No matter who you are, if you need my help, I will say 'I can do it.' I am happy to help. It means that I will not have time to feel sorry for myself for whatever reason; I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, healthy enough, strong enough. Or think about how I will never marry, or love again, as I live in the past thinking of how things used to be; the list goes on and on. So you see, it's good that I take care of others!
But it gets tiring you know! You know what I really want, for someone to enter my life, see everything I do for others, and tell me, "I'll take care of you for now on my love" and he means it!!!!
I feel like I take care of everyone around me, and you know, it would be nice to have a break and be taken care of for a change.
*sigh* One day........ it'll be my turn!

One of my biggest most longed for wishes, is to fall asleep with someone holding me close, whispering in my ear, 'I love you', kiss my cheek, and fall asleep with a smile! As a Latter Day Saint, this can only happen when I am married. Marriage is far away so I'll just have to continue wishing on that shooting star- or the airplane! =D

a shooting star, a wish!